RAPE: prevention & resources

Rape and "having sex" are not the same. Rape is an act of hostility, power, control, degradation, and violence--not passion. Rape is a traumatic, life-changing event for the survivor and the survivor's close friends and family. Many psychological and physical symptoms may be experienced by the survivor who has been raped. This is a clear sign that the issue is not resolved and counseling might be useful.

Can it happen to you?

Yes. Survivors of rape include people of all ages, ethnic and social groups, men, women, and children.

Try to lessen your chances of becoming a victim.

• Be aware of situations that might be dangerous.
• Know how to avoid these situations.
• Know what choices you can make if you are in a potential rape situation.

A high percentage of rapes occur in dating situations or are perpetuated by someone you know--acquaintance rape. This may make you question your own instincts, choices, and trust. Remember:

• Everyone has a right to say "no" to unwanted sexual contact.
• NO ONE has the right to force sexual contact on another person.
• ON A DATE: AVOID ASSUMPTIONS
• Be aware of what your date thinks about sexual relationships. Does he/she believe the following MYTHS:
  • "Women give sex and men take it."
  • "If your partner says "no", you must try to make him/her say "yes."
  • "Sex is payment for a good time or money spent on a date."
  • "Sex is a form of conquest--a score."
  • "Sex is a way to control, limit, or subdue another person."
  • "You are an odd person if you do not have sex on a date because everyone else does."

Know that you do NOT have to have sex with anyone, even someone you are presently dating or someone you have had sex with before. Sex is not something one partner owes another. Sex is not something that must be done to prove your worth. A person who insists on sex in these circumstances is not looking for a loving relationship. Instead, that person is using their partner in a destructive manner. If you find yourself in an unequal relationship, you may be paying a high price. Many rapes are planned. The motive is control.

Communicate clearly:

• Be assertive.
• Don't expect your date to guess what you are thinking.
• Mean what you say and say what you mean - firmly. No means no.
• Miscommunication can make you more vulnerable to rape; Don't send mixed signals.

Situational control:

• Make sure you have something to say about where you are going and who will be with you.
• Have other transportation available if you should choose to leave your date.
• Keep some money with you for an emergency.
• Let other people know where you are going and what your plans are.
• Stay in group situations if you don't know your date well.
• Trust your instincts. If you feel uneasy about a situation, do something about it even if you are afraid of appearing stupid or overly cautious.
• Believe in yourself. Have the strength to be independent. Don't be intimidated.

Maintain self-control:

If you allow alcohol or other drugs to impair your thinking or ability to take action, the rapist's actions become easier. If you feel like forcing sex on someone because you are angry, need to feel powerful, or believe your partner owes it to you, seek professional help and learn to deal with these emotions in a constructive way.

Other situations:

• Many other situations make it possible to become a victim of rape.
• Don't prop doors open in apartments or resident halls.
• Be cautious about laundry rooms, stair wells and elevators. If something doesn't feel or look right, don't enter.
• When walking, be aware of your surroundings. Evaluate what people are doing.
• Wear shoes you can run in.
• Avoid hitchhiking.
• Know the locations of emergency phones in your neighborhood.
• Park your car in well-lit areas; use a buddy system when returning to your vehicles; keep your car in good repair and your gas tank full.
• Let people know where you are going and when you are expected to arrive or return.

Choices if it happens to you:

• There is no right or wrong way to respond. Here are some options to consider.
• Escape: Have a plan in mind and think it through. Use a surprise move to distract the attacker in order to get away.
• Defend yourself: Self-defense may be useful IF you are adept at it; it is useful only if you are ready to use it immediately. Often there is not time to use it effectively or you have not practiced it for some time. If you choose to use it, hit to hurt; run fast toward help and don't look back. Eyes, nose, throat, knees, shin, foot and groin are effective areas to hit.
• Draw attention: Yell loudly, blow a whistle, break a window, make a scene and yell assertively. Yelling "Fire!" will bring more attention than yelling "Help!"
• Stall for time: Pretend to cooperate until you can get near people or possibly escape.
• Pretend you are crazy.
• Throw up.
• Talk your way out. Try to get the assailant to see you as a person rather than an object by telling him/her about yourself. Don't plead or bargain with the assailant.

What to do if you become a victim--options:

The first thing we urge you to do is tell someone you know and trust. Seek help. If it has just occurred, have a medical examination as soon as possible before any evidence is destroyed. Do NOT bathe, douche, or change clothing first. Medical examinations are encouraged for all rape survivors to lessen the chances of complications of trauma or sexually transmitted diseases and check for pregnancy.

Remember:

Reporting rape to the police is your choice. Making a police report does not require you to prosecute. Many rapists are repeat offenders, making a report will help to put a stop to the crime. Most of your hospital bills for the exam will be paid for by the county if you report the assault to the police before, or at the time of, medical care. If you have been a survivor of rape in the past, we urge you to talk to someone trained in rape counseling who can help you resolve this issue, so that you once again feel in control of your life.

• You have the right to be believed.
• You have the right to be treated non-judgmentally.
• You have the right to make your own decisions.

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